Now that horror movies are on the upswing, any person who thinks they know how to say "action" and "cut" are given the opportunity to direct. The problem – none of these new whipper snappers obviously have never seen a good horror movie in their entire life.

That’s the only thing that can explain such dreadful films as I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER and PHANTOMS.

Now comes writer-director Adam Grossman remaking the classic 1962 Herk Harvey film CARNIVAL OF SOULS with some of the same, uninvolving work-manlike demeanor.

While the original was essentially a really low-budget chiller getting its biggest scares and most effective sequences from its black and white photography and creative ingenuity resulting from limited funds, this 1998 update is a misfire from the word go.

The beautiful Bobbie Phillips is trapped in the ugly CARNIVAL OF SOULS. PHOTO COURTESY TRIMARK HOME VIDEO

The trick with something as dream-like and ethereal as a CARNIVAL OF SOULS remake should be to make it dream-like and ethereal. Sadly that’s not the case. Having that big city look (an obvious giveaway it was lensed in either Los Angeles or Canada), the film doesn’t have an iota of style to it. This could be a Barry Bostwick action flick for all we know because there is nothing in this film aside from a few moments of misplaced creature effects that sets it apart from any other low budget film dumped to video.

The story follows tortured Alex Grant (Bobbie Phillips) who is still trying to accept the death of her mother at the hands of her stepfather Louis Seagram (an evil clown and child molester). Twenty years ago her testimony put him away for good in prison, but now he’s escaped and has come back to torment her – with bright red balloons (his trademark)!

Nothing sends shivers down the spine like an image of a red balloon tied to the windshield of a car and that alone is one of the many problems with CARNIVAL OF SOULS – it’s a pretentious movie-of-the-week trying hard to pretend it isn’t a horror film. When was the last time a red balloon made you shit in your pants? Sorry, it doesn’t work for me from a character standpoint nor does it work for me as an audience member.

Anyhow, Louis pops in and out of Alex’s life (and dream world) like a second-rate Freddy Krueger forcing her to come to terms with her worst nightmares and to finally learn not be so over-protective of her younger sister Sandra (Shawnee Smith) who Louis has threatened to get his hands on (you know what that means, yuck, yuck, yawn!)

The dialogue in this cheese-fest is God-awful and the movie itself literally has nothing happening in it. It was so dull in fact that apparently HELLRAISER III: HELL ON EARTH director Anthony Hickox was brought in to toss in some scares and a few other creepy moments (he’s only credited as an executive producer though). The only problem with this is it feels like an entirely different movie with weird, distorted Cenobite-creatures popping out of nowhere for ample shock. Effectively designed by Norman Cabrera, the biggest problem is they just don’t fit in the movie. In fact you want to see the movie they’re a part of – but it certainly isn’t the one that’s called CARNIVAL OF SOULS.

Oooh, scary. It’s CARNIVAL’s clown Larry Miller. Where’s your scary red balloon Larry? Huh? PHOTO COURTESY TRIMARK HOME VIDEO

Previously Grossman directed the abysmal SOMETIMES THEY COME BACK … AGAIN which at least wasn’t afraid to be what it was – a cheesy, low-budget horror film. CARNIVAL OF SOULS is weighed down so much by its "arty" intentions (make that pretensions) that everything rings false. The dialogue isn’t much better evoking some of the most solid unintentional laugh-aloud moments in a film all year.

The actors are also trapped by this mess of a movie. Bobbie Phillips gets points for that sultry scratchy voice of hers, but she’s lightweight. In fact CARNIVAL OF SOULS cheaps out like so many low-budget movies nowadays by only teasing what a great body Phillips has by managing to get her to walk around in a very revealing bra for a small portion of the movie but never making her take anything else off. Now before you think we’re all deviants here, here’s the argument. You know someone’s priorities are messed up when during a major sex scene in the film Phillips stays fully clothed (well, her stockings are ripped but that’s about all) while the bland-as-white bred lead actor Paul Johansson strips down bare naked for the pumping and grinding shots. Go figure.

Luckily we don’t have to see Shawnee Smith naked. She plays Phillip’s baby-sister and used to have some charisma (she was in the mini-series THE STAND and that remake of THE BLOB about a decade ago). Forced to run around in a really bad black wig (or a really bad dye job), Smith looks older than Phillips in many scenes and there’s very little connection between the two. The movie’s entire premise is based on Phillips protecting her sister, but none of that emotion resonates at all throughout the course of the film.

Slumming it the most is comedian Larry Miller. While it might have seemed like a clever idea to hire a comedian to play the killer (especially since he could defuse some of the child molestation creepiness of the whole affair), he’s really not convincing at all. The make-up design he’s forced to wear is more laughable than chilling and his one-liners are fourth-rate Freddy quips.

Wes Craven has his named slapped on thus under the banner of "Wes Craven presents" but it's obvious this was only a paycheck deal. If Craven had even looked at the script he would have run for cover and not loaned out his moniker for such a suspense-less mess of a movie.

This is one CARNIVAL where you definitely will want your money back.

-- JONATHAN ABERNATHY

ISSUE 15.1 – APRIL 9, 1999

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